a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
