Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Randomize
