I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Randomize
