i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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