Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
