some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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