Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Randomize
