I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
