well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
