Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
