Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
