her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
