It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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