She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Randomize
