i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I want to fling myself into the sun
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
