What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
