You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
