I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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