I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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