So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
