Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
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