maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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