Where is the hickey?
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
