i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
