he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
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