Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
