We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
