Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Randomize
