drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Randomize
