AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
