I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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