I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
