Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
