Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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