Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
