I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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