He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
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