An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
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