are you so shy because you have an std?
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
