I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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