Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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