I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
