Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
