I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
