I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
