I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
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