Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Randomize
