We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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