Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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