Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
