Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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